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“I have to focus on other things, life and death things, like when I start to hear a change in Alex’s breathing, I know I don’t have much time to prepare for the worst. My routine is simple – tie his hands and feet as quickly and tightly as possible, slam the magazine into the well of the gun and aim for his head. It’s hard to point a gun at anyone. It’s especially hard at a ten-year-old kid. It’s impossible when the boy is your brother.”